cold water immersion
daughter of the water
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"The vital forces of the universe exist in the simple truths of nature. You are that force."
-Libby Delana (author of Do Walk)
I didn’t dip into the cold water for an Instagram-able moment.
I didn’t go there because it was on a bucket list, or because I told someone I was going to do it.
I did it because curiosity led me there.
For expansiveness.
Not so much that I could show myself what I was able to do, but that I could experience something new.
I knew part of it was about being more intimate with fear. In true human nature, I was really good at trying to escape fear, anxiety, and discomfort. Going into the cold water was about staying — staying with all of it.
In all that I had read about cold water immersion, I knew that going in with a frantic nervous system would be missing the whole point.
I knew that plunging in and getting out as soon as I felt the “fight-or-flight” in my brain was not inviting fear and discomfort into a new conversation.
It wasn’t just about practicing it in this moment of course… I was looking forward to how it would transfer into other moments in my life.
11
44 F. Full moon in Virgo 27°. I knew I had to go again. I didn’t want to. But then I decided to go and I asked my husband if he wanted to go… I could tell he was considering it. He went for the first time. We saw the most unusual thing when we got to the creek. On the picnic table there was a black rabbit, seemingly domesticated and sitting perfectly propped up but motionless. When we went over to it, we could see that it was dead. The symbolism… I wonder about this.
It’s a bright sunny spring like morning but the creek is still cold. We do the breathwork I always do. He asked what he should do and how he should breathe. “Steady,” I said.
I went in slowly as I do, and allowed the water to come to me. I didn’t push myself to go all the way in up to my neck right away. I counted to almost 10 breaths before I went all the way in. Around 45 or 50 slow breaths I started to lose count and realized how in the moment I felt. “I’m home.“
I felt so much peace and relaxation come over me. I’ve never felt that way before in the water. I also felt the cold and slight stinging but it was this feeling that I could stay. I’m sure I stayed longer than I ever had before. When I got out I felt a surge of heat similar to the way I did the first time I went in the water in January, and instead of an invigorating energy I felt this slowing down. A serene state of presence and calm. I laughed and thought of how I’m scared of feeling this peaceful and not having the adrenaline or energy rush, but what if I just allowed it to continue to feel peaceful and calm? A reminder to not judge my feeling, experience, or new sensations. Just be with all of it.
12
41° F. Welcome spring. The equinox is today. I heard a song during my workout this morning from Rising Appalachia “Stand Like An Oak.” The words I’d heard before called to me in a new way.
“You say come to this river. Give me your arms. Lean back, there’s nothing to be alarmed of. Fold up your fears. Push them up. Leave it by the angels of the water. Leave it by the angels of the water.“
I spoke these words as I stepped in today “leave it by the angels of the water.” I decided to let go of the breath counting today and I set the timer on my phone just to be curious how long I stayed. I felt the same settled content — a distinct change that I felt the other day. Ever since my break in the start of this next cycle — I stayed and stayed. I looked around. I remembered to lean back into the water and let it hold me a bit as I settle down on the earth and the creek. For the first time I noticed the tightening in my body along with the expansion that came with my breath. Tightness, so much tightness, and then expansion. I just watched myself stay and stay and stay longer.
13
45°F. The dead rabbit is still on the picnic table. Today I went and hiked up the trail, because it was beautiful and sunny and that just seemed like a great thing to do. I’ve been wanting to. I sat on the hill on the way back down and worked with my breathing in prep for the water. I got to the water excited and asked, what do you have for me today? Thank you. I am alive. I am awake.
I got in and noticed the same tightness and expansion. I noticed the pain and tingling on my skin. I remembered to stay until I didn’t want to leave anymore - and when I felt the sensation of wanting to leave, “OK that’s enough, I’m worried about staying longer.” I just stayed a little longer and felt the peace and trusting my body hearing the words “let your body do what your body is capable of doing.” Thank you Wim Hof.
14
Hill climbs on repeat followed by the cold dip. I had to go before I got chilled after sweating. I took in the beauty, thanked the water, and stayed for at least 30 breaths before I lost count. When I got out, I felt that friendly rush of heat, dried off, and within 10 seconds decided to go back in for another 10 breath count. The process -- it's all so beautiful.
15
I’m finally back to the water after a couple days away with (?) food poisoning. Wanted to give my body the gentleness it needed. Today I ran down by the creek and went afterwards -- so warm. Doing breathwork before and what came to me was “be gentle with yourself.” I eased my way in and even brought the water up to me instead of submerging all the way down in first. Splashing it all the way up onto my chest and on my face. I dipped down for probably 10 breaths and when I got out it just felt so good. So much ease. I heard “let it feel good.” Just let it feel good. No struggle, no push. I stopped there and thanked this beautiful experience.
16
I’ve been listening to Megan Watterson’s book about Mary Magdalene again and all I could think of from the chapter about Paul and Thecla was… “and she baptized herself.” I got to a point in the water today where it didn’t even feel cold anymore. Just such a relief, and such calm.
17
I sit to breathe before going in the water. I feel the essence of this ceremony. Looking at the water I noticed how clear it is compared to other times I’ve visited. The most clear I’ve ever seen it. Change of seasons. Just a short while before as I was walking down the hill, I was thinking about how Spirit loves a clear channel. This is my intention. What an invitation. Along with the invitation to lean back against the rock and enter from a different side of the waterfall that’s always been unclear to me before. I leaned back and laid back on the rock this time. Held. As a daughter of the water.